The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection

The Forgiving Self The Road from Resentment to Connection Can we be forgiven our insensitivity and betrayals Should we always forgive those who have hurt us What enables us to reopen our hearts when we do Interweaving themes from literature movies current
  • Title: The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection
  • Author: Robert Karen
  • ISBN: 9780385488730
  • Page: 257
  • Format: Hardcover
  • The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection
    Can we be forgiven our insensitivity and betrayals Should we always forgive those who have hurt us What enables us to reopen our hearts when we do Interweaving themes from literature, movies, current events, and from his practice as a clinical psychologist, Robert Karen addresses the difficult questions at the heart of many human dramas, highlighting the strugglebetweenCan we be forgiven our insensitivity and betrayals Should we always forgive those who have hurt us What enables us to reopen our hearts when we do Interweaving themes from literature, movies, current events, and from his practice as a clinical psychologist, Robert Karen addresses the difficult questions at the heart of many human dramas, highlighting the strugglebetween our wish to repair our relationships on the one side and our tendency to see ourselves as victims who need revenge on the other.Dr Karen writes that our capacity to forgive reveals much about our character including our ability to recognize the humanity in someone who has hurt us and to see our own limitations and complicity in whatever went wrong He argues that the forgiving spirit not only liberates us from feeling victimized by others but frees us from compulsive self hatred and regret as well for forgiving others is nothing but the mirror image of forgiving oneself.Throughout Karen insists that we are not saints, that forgiveness is a struggle for everyone, and that we cannot be truly forgiving if we do not allow ourselves our negative emotions, especially anger If our harshest feelings are suppressed, we can never move beyond them.Forgiveness sheds light on the envy, narcissism, and paranoia that threaten relationships the childhood experiences that magnify those qualities and, finally, the processes of mourning, healthy protest, and what he calls the redeployment of love that can help us to let go and move beyond them.
    The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection By Robert Karen,
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    About " Robert Karen "

  • Robert Karen

    Robert Karen is a clinical psychologist in private practice and an award winning author He is Assistant Clinical Professor at the Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies, Adelphi University back cover of Becoming Attached

  • 291 Comments

  • An insightful and thought provoking journey through the psychological landscape of forgiveness what is risked and what is to gain, why it is difficult and why it is also necessary As a psychoanalyst, Karen does not promote the typical and popular platitudes Rather, he well describes the difficult and complicated terrain through which we all must navigate when we are wounded, or wound others.



  • It has been hard for me to find books about forgiveness that aren t facile, moralistic preachy When I saw that Robert Karen authored a book about it, I couldn t wait to get my hands on it Karen is the author of one of my all time favorite books Becoming Attached, which offers a very thorough and thoughtful history of attachment research I found this book, The Forgiving Self, just as comprehensive and thoughtful I feel so inspired and personally challenged by it.


  • This book took a really long time for me to read and digest, especially given that it s not an incredibly long book I love the concepts There are pages in my book that are saturated in underlines and highlights and sticky notes I like that Karen leaves a lot of room for the nitty gritty aspects of the forgiveness process and acknowledges that grudges, anger, resentment are a recurring theme of our lives, even if we are actively working on self awareness and self improvement It definitely didn t [...]


  • Outstanding book It is one of those reads that I love to read slowly and savor the insights and points makes Prose is very beautiful It made me want to read it aloud.In The Forgiving Self Dr Karen discusses the path we take in repairing damaged relationships when we suffer an interpersonal injury or betrayal How does the betrayal impact us What do we do with our pain Ho do we handle the relationship going forward How does it affect our sense of our self Dr Karen tackles these types of question i [...]


  • We read this book for our book group It did make for stimulating discussion, but it wasn t a favorite read of mine I basically disagreed with many of the author s claims and theories I did find many of his thoughts interesting and conducive to self examination He made some valid points including that if we start from a place where we feel secure and like ourselves, it is far easier to forgive others when they have wronged us One thing I didn t like was his assumption that we all carry this inner [...]


  • A profound and transformative book that explores the power of forgiveness of others and of oneself This can be a dense and troubling read too, although helped along with some very affective references to literature and popular culture.Karen argues forcefully our relationships are often hampered by deep seated conflicts and inner dramas originating in our family and parental relationship It also suggests forgiveness can t be an automatic response either, but has to come from an authentic understa [...]


  • SUCH a cheesy title, but all in all a profoundly useful book Dr Karen takes a long view on the subject, examining why we hold a grudge, and how such an outlook is useful to us, as well as offering many insights into how to move from a place of grudge bearing to a place of repair and ultimately connection in our interpersonal relationships A book for anyone who as been asked too many times to disavow their feelings and forgive another in an instantaneous sense, and has lost in the process.


  • Some of this feels like street psychology, some of it is very cliche For those bits, the book looses a star The rest of it is insightful, rich in case studies and forces self questioning For that this book is a tool which frequently gets picked off the bookshelf.




  • Really liked this some great ideas about forgiveness and the practical stages one takes to get there Recommend for anyone in ministry or counseling.


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